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心の奥に隠している　云えない謂れがあるんです

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たとえばわたしが空気だったら　
きっと誰もが吸い込んだ途端にむせ返るだろう

たとえばわたしが水だったら　
きっと誰もが口に含んだ瞬間に吐き出すだろう

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みーんな嘘つき

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なんで皆そんなにおしゃべりなの　
なんでそんなに自分のことばっかりしゃべってられるの　
ねぇちょっと　わたしの話聞いてるの

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笑ったら　何故だかとめどもなく　
涙があふれてきた

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好きになるのは簡単　でも好きで居続けるのは難しいって　
愛はどうだで緒形拳さんが云ってた　
ほんとそれ

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愛とは喩えば水　
水を飲まなけりゃ人は死ぬ　
愛とは喩えば炊きたてのご飯　
食べなけりゃ人は死ぬ　
ただ水だけでは　ただご飯だけでは栄養が足りない
塩気が欲しくなる　甘味が欲しくなる
辛味が欲しくなる　酸味が欲しくなる
時には苦味さえも
愛とはつまり　そういうこと

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恋とか恋愛とか　みんなよくあんなこと
頑張ってしてるなって思うよ

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生きるために無理やり胃に流し込むごはんほど　美味しくないものはない

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人間用のクレ５５６ってないものかしら

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気がつけばいつもひとりぼっち

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思い当たる節がないっていうのは重症なんだろうか　
みんな去ってく　
何か気に食わないことしたのかな　
思い当たることなんてないはずなんだけどな　
黙っていなくならなくたっていいじゃないか

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解ってるよ　知ってる　
誰もわたしのことなんか好きにならないって　
ずっとそうだもん　
生まれたときからそうだもん　
そんなガッカリした顏しなくていいよ　
別にあなたが悪いって云ってるわけじゃないし

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ただ生きてるだけで　ひとに嫌われる　
わたしの存在そのものがきっと　ひとを苛つかせているのだろう　
最初からいらない子どもだったんだから

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悪いのは本当はぜんぶ　わたしのほうかもしれない

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お前なんか死んでしまえ、って云いたかったのは
本当は自分自身にだった

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嘘でもいいから　たった一度だけでいいから　
好きだと言って

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多分いまギュってされたら　迷わず泣いちゃう自信あるよ

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いっそのこともう終わりにしてしまえたら　
どんなに楽かしれやしない

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ゴミ箱にさえ入れなかった思い

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誰の記憶の中にも存在していないなら　
それはもう死んだも同じことよね

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ツライって口に出したら　余計にツラくなりそうで　
だから何でもないようなふりをして　
こんなのどうってことないってふりをして　
今日もひとり　部屋の中

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あんたがいままでされてきたこと　未だに忘れられないように　
わたしもあんたらにされてきたこと　多分一生忘れないから　
そのつもりで　

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子どもが不安がっているのに　
大丈夫だから心配しないでって言ってくれる大人　ひとりもいなかった　
異常なうちだよ

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生まれた町には海が近くにあったけど　
そう云えば一度も連れて行ってもらった記憶がない

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考え方を変えてみては？とか　
見方を変えてみては？とか　
もうそういうのいらないんだ　
考え方を変えてみたって
見方を変えてみたって　
明日も明後日も１年先も
笑ってる自分を想像できやしないのだから

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わたしたち　いつになったら笑えるようになるかしら　
過ぎたことと思えるようになるかしら

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時間なんか　いつまで経ったって解決なんかしてくれないわ

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生きてたらいいことあるって　
いいことってなにさ　
そのざっくりした云い方やめてくれない

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何をどうすればしあわせと云えるのか　
わたしにはよくわからない　
大層なことは望まないよ　
災いが降ってこさえしなければ
ふしあわせでさえなければ
それで十分

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わたしは大勢いるとしゃべれなくなります　
３人でもギリ無理です　
必ず２対１になるからです　
そして必ずわたしが１の役になるからです
２人ならまあまあしゃべれます　
詩の中でだけ　一番おしゃべりになります

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人間が好きですか　わたしはキライでした　
人間は平気で嘘をつきます　簡単に人を陥れます
自分が損することはしません　
ひとによってコロコロと態度を変えます　
わたしはそんなわたしが超キライでした

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わたしの感情はわたしのものであって　貴方のものではありません　
わたしが笑うと何故怒るんですか　
憎まないと許さないのは何故ですか

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わたしって自分で思う以上にひどい人間なのかもしれない

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わたしの躰は原因不明が多い　
原因不明の頭痛　
原因不明の微熱　
原因不明の吐血　
原因不明の倦怠感　
わたしという存在自体が原因不明なのかも

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何かしらの名前がつけば　少しは安心できるのに

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心って目に見えないと思うでしょ　
でも違うんだよ　
その頭も目も鼻も口も手も足も胸も背中も　
全部が心なんだ　
心が痛いと色々痛くなるのは　
つまりそういうこと

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言葉だけじゃなく　態度で示してよ

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ヘタクソって云ったら　傷つくかな

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人生の折り返し地点なんて言葉があるけど　
人生に折り返しなんてあるわけないだろ

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あなたの人生とわたしの人生とは　
こうやって詩を通して出会うまで　
決して交わることのない線上だった

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